The pressure of thinking outside the box for my own suggested topic is actually a lot bigger than I thought. The thing is, when I recommended it, I had this idea that 2017 summer was going to be so great and I was able to pick movies that stood out and be like, these here are great summer blockbusters! But that didn’t turn out well at all and this summer has been a bore, no offence summer! So I instead was inspired by failure for this list (isn’t that nice) – so here is a list of non-recommendations of 2017 summer releases that ARE NOTHING like summer blockbusters.
1. THE HOUSE (2017)
Released at the end of June, The House features two very funny people, Will Farrell and Amy Poehler, but does everything wrong otherwise. It’s a comedy, which takes place during summer, and it features two very immature adults doing very weird and illegal things. It’s supposedly wants us to root for two parents who have no savings to support their very smart daughter’s college education and decide to run an illegal casino. And start chopping off fingers. And, in the end, they’re one big happy family. This movie didn’t deserve to be a summer blockbuster and it wasn’t!
2. THE MUMMY (2017)
If you thought this list was going to be bad, oh well, you just wait, 2017 has like a lot of good choices for bad blockbusters. The Mummy for instance, is a prime example how studios want to make franchises happen, because the more the merrier, right? And let’s take something that has already been done, and done better I might add, and make it darker and let’s fill it with Tom Cruise stunts. What do you have? A mess that isn’t interesting nor thrilling, but does have few good visuals at times. The sad thing is, this movie misses the whole point of the original Mummy franchise – which was to have fun! And even though both movies made kind of the same amount of money, 1999’s Mummy made that happen with a lot less cash, and a lot more humour. I bet 1999’s Mummy would have made a lot more this summer too, because it would have been smack middle in unfunny comedies and bad movies.
3. ONCE UPON A TIME IN VENICE (2017)
What is wrong with 2017 summer, guys? I don’t even know, and I’ve avoided quite a lot of bad movies to begin with. For instance, I’m never ever going to see The Emoji Movie, and this would top this list by a mile. But I did see Bruce Willis’ lighter version of John Wick?, which was a really bad movie. Like, it wasn’t just bad for how it came across but how it was made. It had no plot, it wasted Jason Momoa’s potential, and not to mention, John Goodman’s skills! And not going to lie, I like Bruce!, so it was especially sad to see him in this one. Just boring, and bad, very very boring and very bad!
4. BAYWATCH (2017)
The Rock needs to chill down, take a breather, and think about his choices for a moment because he is not doing so well. He does promote his movies well, and he really roots for himself, gives himself pats on the back and everything, but he hasn’t really manage to put out a decent comedy. Baywatch this summer could have been it, it should have been THE comedy of the year, but instead, it flopped and it made me question my life choices. It had one funny scene, and it was in the beginning, and then the movie simply derailed so off the tracks that I was literally begging for Zac Efron to stay in drag longer because I then could have at least laughed at his appearance. But no, even beaches and boobs didn’t save Baywatch, so no summer blockbuster joy for this one!
THIS SERIES IS CREATED BY WANDERING THROUGH THE SHELVES
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Interesting way to go. I haven’t seen any of these but I loved the first Mummy and this looked just awful. You said what I suspected about it that Cruise and company had sucked all the fun, which was a large part of the pleasure of the first, out of this. Thanks for the warning I’ll steer clear of all four.
Mine stick to the theme and are three of my favorites that hit big.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)-This will be brief since I’m guessing there isn’t a soul who hasn’t seen this or doesn’t know the story. Opening with a throwback to the adventure of Saturday serials we meet Indiana Jones professor and treasure hunter. Learning that the Ark of the Covenant is at risk of falling into Nazi possession he sets out to get it into the safe hands of Uncle Sam instead. Along the way he meets up again with Marion Ravenwood, daughter of his old partner and a girl he done wrong, who in many ways is as tough as he is. High adventure follows. Just a flat out good time at the movies. Made a mint on release.
Total Recall (1990)-In the not too distant future Douglas Quaid (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is suffering from troubling dreams about battles on Mars. His wife (Sharon Stone) is dismissive of them but when he continues to have them he turns to Rekall Inc. a company that sell a different kind of vacation, implanted memories. But something happens when the memory is being placed and he ends up on Mars in a fight for his life…or is he? Very violent and convoluted but involving. Even now technically impressive and along with The Terminator the film that really put Arnold on top for a long time. Cost a fortune to make, made a fortune in theatres.
Grease (1978)-Well summer vacation is over and Danny Zuko (John Travolta) leader of the T-Birds is back from a trip to Australia where he met the demure Sandy Olsson (Olivia Newton-John) and had some Summer Lovin’. He’s back in his leather jacket and ready to pick up with his gang where he left off but surprise Sandy is a transfer student to his high school and now he’s torn between his image as a tough guy and his love for goody two shoes Sandy, who has been taken under the wing of The Pink Ladies lead by Rizzo (a far too old but sensational anyway Stockard Channing). Teen angst 50’s style, drag racing, a pregnancy scare, cameos by lots of classic stars and a load of good songs follow in this peppy adaptation of the Broadway hit. Raked in the bucks for months on original release then did it again when it was re-released to theatres for its 20th anniversary.
I recommend not watching any of these and indeed, the new Mummy isn’t fun at all.
I have actually seen possibly two movies you recommend this week, though I’m not 100% sure about the Total Recall. I know I’ve seen the remake and I probably have seen the original, I just can’t place it at the moment.
I haven’t seen any of these but I know I will watch The House because of Amy Poehler (although she really needs to get good material).
Poehler needs another iconic TV show in my opinion. She just, she has had really bad luck with movies!
I’ve only seen The Mummy so far and, no, it’s not good. I’ll probably stull see tge others, at some point.
I don’t recommend the others but I mean, it’s your free time to spend! 😀
*still see the others. Stupid phone.
I went to an IMAX cinema to watch The Mummy. What a waste of £20.
THe first thing I thought about ONCE UPON A TIME IN VENICE (2017) was it sounds like John Wick, but will be shitter because WIllis wont do his own Stunts.
There isn’t much stunting in Once Upon a Time in Venice, he just walks around mostly.
Oh, that seems like a waste indeed. But I mean, at least the mummy looked cool, no?
Totally agree about the 1999 version of The Mummy. I often wonder how well original movies (even if it’s a remake) like that would’ve done if they were released today – probably a little better than the past few summers we’ve had. :/
I think Mummy 1999 would have been a breath of fresh air this summer, because there isn’t any good adventure movies in theatres this time around.
I love your theme of bad movies that became box office duds. I haven’t seen any of these films..not sure I want to
Don’t watch them! They are all horrible. 😅 Glad you liked my twist on the theme!