Looking back and looking forward… (2013 in retrospect)

Rather than posting a review or another list, I wanted to look back at my blogging year instead, and since I’m a dreamer by heart, look a bit forward as well. Since it’s been quite the year to say at least and as I’m feeling very nostalgic, especially today, I decided to ramble like I haven’t rambled in a while. So just bare with me because this post is going to be long and probably not as entertaining  as I’d like but this needs to be done, let the self-evaluation of 2013 commence!

PS: Random gif alert, I mean really-really random selection!

It’s such a cliché thing to say but this year has gone past so fast that I can’t really believe that we’re already at the end of December. You know what this means? Another long list of New Year’s resolutions that won’t be fulfilled! I’m not kidding, I’m seriously thinking of posting another resolution/mission list even though the one from this year was a complete train wreck:

• I absolutely did not write 100 reviews like promised and only got to 46 movie reviews which is not taking into account the TV-show ones but even those wouldn’t get the number up to a hundred.
• Watching 200 movies seemed like a normal idea considering I’m a bit crazy but I only saw a little over 100 movies including the re-watched ones, for instance the entire Harry Potter franchise. Plus, I haven’t seen many of this year’s best ones according to the many lists of fellow bloggers – thank god I saw Gravity, otherwise I’d be the worst movie blogger of 2013!
• Did I get a 1000 views a day this year? I did, 1083 to be exact and that number will remain as my best for a decade because ever since January, the whole views thing has caused some serious headaches. I was happy when I got over 50 views a day this summer.
• Since I had some great statistics last year and the numbers kept growing I thought I’d hit 100,000 views a year, I did not. This year’s views were alright but 2012’s 80,846 will remain my blog’s best.
• I did some math and considered 250,000 total views would be achievable but since I didn’t beat last year’s views I didn’t get there. What a surprise, I literally just failed at everything this year but I’m quite sure my goals were a bit off anyway.

Looking at that post and reading about my hopes and dreams just makes me sad, was I do ambitious? Was I too optimistic? Was it wrong of me to expect constant growth in the blogging-sphere? I guess we all want to go places, achieve something better than last year but going through 2013 has thought me that things are not always as they might seem in the beginning. I failed with my missions but I learned that it doesn’t really matter how many views you get because at the end of the day, those readers who keep  coming back and commenting are the ones to celebrate. Yes, I was so hooked on views that the lack of them brought me down, I was constantly wishing I was more popular, more readable and it just added to the stress I already had from my everyday life. I was focusing on the wrong things, I was pretty much trying to achieve the ultimate goal of being a popular blog rather than posting reviews and getting better at writing. What an idiot.

2013 wasn’t all that bad though because the beginning of the year was epic for me: I kept writing, I had time to write, I was watching movies left and right, and then the summer arrived. I must admit, I failed at blogging big time for three months and I applaud everybody who stuck around during that period because I really doubted myself to push through that. Nevertheless, 2013 summer was one of the best ones I have ever experienced and ever since I have a real soft spot for Ireland, especially for the Guinness and the hawt Irish actors like Aidan Turner. I wouldn’t mind enjoying both of them right now.

After the summer my blogging hasn’t really improved immensely because working and studying is getting into the way of things. Not to mention the previously mentioned stress of blogging itself. That being said, I really really want to write! That’s the pain in my butt actually, the fact that I only want to write this blog and do nothing else but I can’t see that happening – this girl needs some money to buy some stuff… Yes, I have considered making writing into my career but the reality of it is not as optimistic which makes me a little sad. It’s disappointing to love something so much, doing it constantly and not getting appreciated (if not to say money) for it, it’s like Leo and all the award shows all over again. Would I retire because of it? No. Blogging is my number one hobby and though I would love to blog for a job, I’ve accepted the fact that some things are not meant to be.

In other words, I have been feeling the consequences of life’s struggles and it’s hitting hard, guys. Blogging is not how it was in the beginning of 2013, all about blogging, it’s now about juggling three things at once (MA thesis, work, blog) and actually trying to have a social life of some sorts. I’m pretty much failing on all fronts at this point but enough said about my personal crisis, it’s time to get back on that optimistic train of my past self and look into the bright future of 2014.

Now, I don’t really want to set goals or missions just yet but I do want to state that I hope to get back on track with my features. That’s the thing that bothers me the most, the lack of sticking to the schedule of posting and being all over the place. Plus, I want to summarize the Breaking Emotions Blogathon which brought in some great posts, as soon as possible. Therefore, a lot of plans, a lot of writing, especially considering I have almost 10 movie reviews to write – so how am I ever going to get through it all is a mystery to me but I’m gonna give it a try. I also plan to watch all the 2013’s movies I missed and which have been mentioned a lot: Dallas Buyers Club, Her, Filth, Mud, Drinking Buddies, Captain Phillips, American Hustle, The Wolf of Wall Street, 12 Years a Slave, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Short Term 12, Blue is the Warmest Color. Plus, the ones I still haven’t watched from 2012: The Hunt, The Sessions, End of Watch and many more. In fact, getting through my Letterboxd watchlist without adding anything to it might be a great idea!

Based on that watchlist 2014 looks like a promising year filled with sophisticated movies and even more sophisticated reviews, that’s the plan at least, to start improving my writing and that’s something I really want to do. More skills needed in the department of writing, please! I know it’s quite difficult to evaluate your own writing skills and therefore I have a, currently a bit unclear, plan to get my readers to help me. Haven’t figured out how and when and to what extent but it already seems like a rather ambitious way to improve myself. Still, I don’t really want to promise anything yet, I’m more worried about finishing my MA and I guess it is my priority, for now. A year is a long period of time, a lot can change, I might not even make it to 2015… which is probably not true, I’d rather live in a cave than stop posting on this blog, because it’s like my cat that I can’t live without.

Whew, this was a long post to write and even though I got so much out, I still feel like so much is still left inside. The curse of a writer, have almost 1400 words written down, and still, the sentences keep flowing out even though most of the readers have already given up. I don’t blame you, proof reading this post will probably put me to sleep but I promised a ramble and here it was, a ramble of all rambles! At least I added some visual breaks, as random as they were and I’m sure they eased your pain. That being said, I hope this post didn’t scare you away from Mettel Ray and I’ll see you back here next year!

And I hope everybody will celebrate the end of 2013 like it was the best year ever… even if it wasn’t, cause I know I will!

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